Here's to cheap sex and codeine

this could be a brand new start
"And I thought, be still my heart
This could be a brand new start, with you.
And it will be clear
If I wake up and you're still here with me in the morning."

So, these past few months ive dissapointed a lot of people. I've screwed up a bunch, and i've been just plain stupid and selfish. Im done with that. Im starting over, becoming who i used to be. I liked that person. Its weird to think that was only five or so months ago, but im changing back. Back to someone i like...someone other people like. I want to be happy with myself and if i keep doing these stupid things then i'll never be happy. So, this is a brand new start! I know the people i need in my life and the people i dont need. Im sorry to anyone ive hurt with my stupid actions and words. Im excited about this change because i know things are going to get better and i'll be happier along with the people around me. To be honest im really very scared at the same time, not even sure why. But this will be good. i know it.

Ive been listening to the postal service a lot lately and it makes me happy. I like them very much. I borrowed the head automatica cd from sara...im starting to really like that one too.

Im getting a job soon. Which should also help get me back on track. I need more responsibility in my life, thats for sure.

So, heres to a new start. No screwing up.
<33much love.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: postal service

So take care what you wish for, for it may come true.
But that September sky, how it whispered, "I love you."
But I couldn't take it,
any longer, no I couldn't stand.
But the night brought sparks
and the sparks brought flames.
And you had to be sure
this wasn't one of those games.
But I'm gonning to show you
if you could just give me tonight...

Tonight...

Current Mood: sleepy

mistakes and friends
I've been having a pretty good week so far. Spending a lot of time with the boyfriend. Im seeing ashley tonight i think...at least thats what kyle said. i miss my sarajoy. Even though im not sure she believes that i do. I want her to make an effort too. Im spending a good part of the weekend with her and im excited. Getting my hair dyed maybe(hopefully)? Im still wanting to go to the shore. I miss taking vacations there. it's hard to believe its almost august.

On another note,im tired of people being immature. Even in the most subtle ways. GET OVER IT! Seriously,people make mistakes. I have obviously made a lot of mistakes this summer but that doesnt mean you have to be immature about it. It's really pathetic actually. Just grow up and stop all this drama bullshit.

Anyway, the friends that i do have right now, i really love. I want everything to just stay like this. I've figured out who i need in my life and who i dont need. My sister moving out has been a good thing, for the most part. Although there is still alot of drama at home. Things will get better. i hope.

I need a car. Getting my license soon. Im also on my way to getting another job. money is very much needed right now.....time for dinner<33

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Mae-the everglow

So, im at kyles house right now. he just woke up from a nap. today is our 8 month and he took me to lonestar for lunch. I think we are going swimming soon. Its hot as shit outside.
I spent alot of time with ashley this weekend =) that was nice. i love her.
Me kyle ashley and scott hung out alot...along with matty and veronica. <33
This summer isnt the most exciting but i like spending time with people. i wanna go to the beach for the day or something.

My sister moved out. I dont know if it's for good or not. I hope so,too much bad shit happens when she's around. Bleh. anyway...moving on....i think im gonna go now.

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: tv

lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn...as thirty dialouges bleed into one.
Honestly, im not sure of what to say right now.
my computers broken so i had to go to the library to use one...gaaaaay.
i need next week at the beach...more than you know.
im tired of credit completion.
im tired of people in general.
Although a few people did make me smile last night.
Things are still iffy at home...not sure where im staying tonight...i dont think i can stay at my house.
i love my best friend and i hope she doesnt think otherwise.
i love driving and listening to death cab for cutie.
and i love when the stars are out at night and when i look at them i almost feel as if everything will get better.
i need sleep but i know that wont happen anytime soon.
i may need my tonsils out...but i have yet to go to a doctor.

oh and one thing more about how i feel....hfjkshdfkjsa.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: death cab for cutie

kyle's graduation party was today. it was okay. I got to spend some time with sara before that. She's going to basketball camp...im gonna miss her. SHOW the 13th !! Cant wait for that.

Misery signals show last night was okay. Not as good as i had expected it to be. I loved misery signals and Zao..but i wasnt too fond of any of the other bands that played there...plus im kinda sick, so i was out of it. I hung out with ashley and allison before that and we got food and what not.

I know other people have written entries about this but i feel the need to say it also...i miss the days at the lake. It was so nice,everyone got along and there was no drama. We need to go back to the lake. end of story.

"Drag the lake, you'll find it's full of love. Bring the children to the water and let them see what heartache did."

Current Mood: weird
Current Music: everytime i die

i just dont agree.
First off... its official that i have insomnia. like hardcore.
Ever since kurns house i havent been sleeping as well. im not sure why, but i dont really like it.
Anyways, im excited cause im goin to the shore with my sarajoy soon. For like four days i think. It'll be a good time and ive been wanting to spend time with her. <3

Today was pretty boring,i just relaxed. I gotta find a job. So, kyle came over after he got out of work. he's pretty sick..lymes disease sucks. Im pretty worried about him. =(
I hate seeing people sick..it makes me sad cause i cant make them feel better.

I miss the lake and i need to get a tan. I need to start sleeping more. I also need to stop pushing people away...because this is when i need them the most.<3

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Something Corporate-north

i am waiting for you to flee the scene
Last night, was a bad night,to say the least.
I dont even know if half of what i write will makes sense to anyone, but here goes. i need to vent and i might as well do it here.

Im frustrated. i could end it with that, but theres so much more to be said. i hate who im turning into. i hate how i feel so far from the person i was even six months ago. Even worse, i hate how im pushing people i care about away. I dont even really realize it until the damage is already done. I hate how empty i feel when i know i should be grateful for everything i have. I've been hurt far too many times...but what's worse is how many times ive hurt people...people i care about and love. i have far too many regrets and if i could i would turn back time. I know everything happens for a reason, but i just dont get some things. I dont get why my dad wants nothing to do with me, and how i can feel that huge absence in my life. I dont understand why me and my mom barely even look at eachother anymore,i cant remember the last converstation i had with her. No matter how much i try to fix things that i screw up...they somehow get worse.
So, i guess what im saying is...i give up. plain and simple.
Im sorry to everyone that ive hurt or pushed away. i wish things had happened different but they didnt and nothing can change that.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: red hot chili peppers

!!!!
Today was a pretty boring day. It was way too hot out to even do anything. I didnt even wake up until almost 12. Im guessing thats because i was online until like 3am or something(thanks chuck). I went out to lunch with my sister to pizza hut and ate like 6 pieces of pizza. Then my mom made me go to the grocery store with her and of course kyle was working and yeaah...that was awkward to say the least. Im tired of fighting. Im tired of drama. Im tired of getting hurt.

Yeeeah anyway...tonight im going swimming with josh, dave and some of their friends. I havent really talked to them in awhile. It should be a good time. Im in such a lazy mood today. im hoping to go to the lake with everyone sometime this week. I hoping to hang out with chuck sometime this week. I also want to spend more time with sarajoy...i feel like me and her havent hung out in awhile, just us. Apparently all of us girls(SJCC) are supposed to get together sometime soon. I hope so. I love those girls.

Alright so i really need to find a job. Really soon. Im going broke and thats not good cause i need to save money for a car. i will be getting my license very soon !!! There's something to look forward to.
I must be going..i need to eat then go swimming !

<333

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: As I Lay Dying

WOAAAAH
Wow. so im actually updating and i think im gonna keep updating.
i never know what to write in these things. I always think i sound gay. oh well.
This summer has certainly been interesting so far. Very....different. Not necessarily a bad thing. It's had its up and downs.
On the very first day of summer i got into a car accident with chuck. Wow what bad luck,and it was supposed to be a really nice night. Stupid drunk drivers =(

Tonight was a pretty good night. Well, the show was incredibly awesome. Across Five Aprils played...AMAZING. Other good bands. I got to talk to alot of people i dont usually see except at shows and such. There of course was drama with kyle and my friends and chuck and it was just bleh. We went to checkers after the show but i was upset so i couldnt even eat my french fries=(

Ive had so much shit going on lately and it sucks. Im so confused about a lot of things. My family is a big part of that. But things will always be bad with that. I think this summer is going to be good. I hope so. I love my friends. I hate drama.
I've also already learned who i cant trust..it sucks that people just cant keep things to themselves.

<333

Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Death Cab For Cutie

PROM
wow. i totally forgot about this thing. obviously. Things have been pretty hectic lately. Prom is friday! im so excited. my dress is sooo pretty and its just gonna be awesome. Tanning and getting my nails dont tomorrow with melissa and sarajoy.
Kyle<3 i love that kid so much. we're gonna have a good time.
wish i could write more,but i have to go to sleep it's pretty late for a school night.

"it feels just like making love to the camera."

Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: The starting line

bad stuff followed by more bad stuff.
Let's see, things have gotten pretty crappy at home. i knew we were going to have to be moving soon but i never expected this. We have to be out of our house by 4pm Monday. Like totally moved out and everything. We have no place to move to...nowhere to live. I've been packing and crying all day. It sucks. Kyle came over tonite and he cheered me up. I love how no matter how upset i am, he always finds a way to cheer me up. On top of everything im probably going to get fired or suspended from work. I didnt show up today or even call. I was too much of a mess to work today. I guess i should've called but ehhh. So i work at 130 tomorrow, i may be sent home. who knows. bleh. Me and kyle are hanging out tomorrow night :)

I love my sarajoy. she is the sweetest. I talked to her on the phone today, she wanted to make sure i was alright. I really appreciate how much she is there for me.

Easter on sunday. dont really feel like seeing the family and such. eh. my sister is coming home tomorrow,but she is going back to college sunday. oh well. im so glad it's spring break,even though it's gonna suck.

It's late im off to bed. hopefully tomorrow will be better.

<33

Current Mood: angry
Current Music: It dies today

im going to prom<33

:-D

ilovekyle

im gonna buy a dress soon.

lovely stuff.

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: the killers

long ass time
wow. so it's been a long time since i updated. ha. oh well. way too much has happened, so i guess i'll sumarize-ish. Im in love with my sweetie kyle<3 and we've been together for a little over 3months. Work has been eh. i dont talk to trish much anymore. my best friend is sarajoy<3 my ears are gauged to a 6. and i have to go get sleep now. more later.

"you wish you were as cool as me."

Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: senses fail

why did you have to be so wonderful
snow snow snow. i hate it with a deep passion. ruined my whole day and quite possibly my whole weekend. i miss kyle and i love him. Its been almost two months for us<3 im not gonna get all emo because i could go on forever about it. I havent worked since tuesday and im glad. i hate it. I may quit,but honestly i need the money. If i wasnt so broke i would quit in a heartbeat. Oh man,im buying myself a digital camera. Im so freaking excited. If i have work tomorrow im gonna stop by ritz camera and look at some cameras. photography=love

Things are still a bit weird between me and trish. i dont like it,but i guess that's what happens when trust is broken. But slowly i will begin to trust her again. I just want my best friend back. Paul freaked out on me tonite...that wasnt too fun. It isnt like him at all either,so it upset me a bit. oh well.

Things at home are only getting worse and i dont know what to do. Being stuck at home all weekend isnt helping things. blah. Thats all for now. sorry it isnt interesting.

"i want to feel your hips pressed up against mine."

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: 80's music

worked today. rob came in to visit me. it made my day. i missed him. people still talking shit. shoprite is hell. i still miss him. kyle has a surprise. im a terrible girlfriend. the end.

Current Mood: confused
Current Music: incubus-make yourself

I'm just another name in your book.

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Poison the well

Time to update again. Let's see,yesterday was fun i slept in until 12. Then me and trish went to wendy's and walked to the mall afterwards. Surprisingly i didnt buy anything at all. Well except for a milkshake. mmm yumm. I love hanging out with trish,shes my best friend in the world. Then we both had work at five until ten. That wasnt too fun b/c it was so dead in there. We did returns all night. yuck. Luckily i am supposed to work tomorrow nite but since it's new years eve there is no way im working. So im calling out. Tomorrow morning im supposed to hang out with my friend Rob,then go over kyles house for new years eve,and since it will be really late im just sleeping over his house. We havent spent too much time together lately,so it will be nice. <3

Tonite i have bass lessons,i love my weekly lessons. Those guys are awesome. After that me and justin might hang out and go to pizza hut to visit dave. I havent seen those guys in the longest time! Christmas break is the coolest,sleeping in and not stressing out about school work and such.
Oh man i bought Napoleon Dynamite the other day and i was so excited! That movie is the greatest! I made my mom watch it and i think it scared her a little bit. haha. OoOOoo i bought the atreyu cd...so amazing. Ive wanted it forever,and more. My mom just got us a new car,well its used but its ten times nicer than our old car. And there's a cd player in it! Im so happy and excited!
Yeh well,im gonna go play some bass and what not.
xox

"Look how pretty she is, when she falls down.
Now there’s no beauty in bleeding mascara. Her lips are quivering
like a withering rose, she’s back again."

christmas and play-doh
So,christmas is basically over. It was nice,spent time with my family. It felt different this year though for some reason.I cant really explain it. oh well. My sister woke me up super early,so i was really out of it. We opened presents and what not. I got lots of cds and dvds. good stuff. Im actually watching "50 first dates" right now. such a good movie. Although i didnt get Napoleon dynamite...i was a bit dissapointed. After presents i showered and called kyle. Then i went over his house and we exchanged gifts...he got me a From First To Last hoodie. i was so surprised,he got it at the concert. i love him. Then we watched dodgeball and fell asleep.<3 I had to go to my grandparents house around 1 and we had dinner and gave out more presents. I had a nice day. im glad i got to see kyle. :)

I have work tomorrow from one to six. yuck. Im not sure what i have planned this week during break. Im definatley sleeping in. i work a lot though. ugh.
My sister is home from college for awhile which is weird. not in a bad way necessarily. I wanna hang out with trish sometime over break,and nate too. Hopefully some other people too. we'll see.

I think im gonna watch the simpsons dvd,either that or donnie darko. Decisions decisions. Tomorrow will be one month<3

"your the only one that makes me feel like home."

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: hawiian music??

I like that i dont update a whole lot. Although it does leave me with a lot to say when i finally do write here.
Alright to start off,only one and a half days of school until break. Im pretty excited,i definatley need a break from school. Although it sucks because kyle is grounded from using his car,which means he cant come see me on christmas:( But i think i'll just stop by his house then. <3 He is just the best. My sister is coming home on thursday,and im getting my haircut after school. i havent gotten it dyed in awhile,it looks terrible. oh well. thursday it will be pretty again. OH! I gauged my ears last week! It just seemed to excite me...they're a 16 now...but over break im gauging them to 12! pretty hot to say the least. haha. Ugh i gotta work on xmas eve...130-630. it sucks. yuck i still have a cold,and its pissing me off. kyle is sick too,i guess that would be my fault. heh.
i ate four slices of pizza tonite and i liked it. im such a fat ass. haha. i want it to snow. but just a little bit. Trish is such a P.I.M.P. haha she cracks me up. snowboarding slut. man im so tired.
well,dont feel like typing anymore.
<3

"you've got me up against your wall"

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: underoath

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